Monday, August 06, 2007

Trust No One

A case of paranoia from the world of the office.

Barry my long established colleague has a position on the "Staff Social Committee" which aims to promote the interests of staff. Standard issues may involve variously:

- the state of the staff cafe- lack of choice and high prices
-the state of the staff restaurant- lack of choice and high prices
- the state of the toilets - "outdated" roller towels (a success of the committee was getting a cleaning register attached to the back of the toilet door to ensure cleaning can be monitored. Barry was not particularly welcome when he went to check in person that this innovation had been "rolled out" in the Ladies !)
- cycling facilities- where those who cycle to work can store their bikes.

On more adventurous days it may even delve into issues such as pensions, sabbatical opitions and beyond.

Barry's chief adversary, in his own mind at least, is our relatively new CEO.

Barry credits him with everything wrong in the Firm and for opposing everything good in the Firm.

Barry has long suspected a personal campaign by the CEO to eliminate him.

Today an electrician was fitting a new light.

Clive, our Finance Director, was passing through.

Barry exclaimed "Jason (the CEO) is getting new camera's to spy on us again".

Clive looked bemused.

I explained "Barry thinks his desk is bugged".

Clive rose to the occassion with "Oh yes, Jason has got pictures of all social committee members on the wall in his office".

Barry without missing a beat replied "Yes, he's trying to find a way of eliminating me".

Barry enjoys this work fantasy where he is the top of the CEO's agenda. Barry has done roughly the same job for over 20 years. This is somehow overlooked when he imagines his elimination by the dastardly Jason.

Barry enjoys the subject so much that it is easy to entertain him with ever more elaborate plots in the battle. Casting Jason as a global villain and Barry as James Bond is his favourite.

Recently Barry was speaking ill of Jason and I warned that Jason had bugs in place and would release a leaver emptying Barry's chair into a hidden shark tank below our office.

Barry then went off on a mental undersea adventure as he battled Jason for control of the world.

In the world of offices, sometimes it's a case of "whatever gets you through the day" !

As Barry would say "Trust no one".

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